Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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