Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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