oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
