my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
