so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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