I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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