You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
