Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
