Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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