we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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