so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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