I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I need mimosas to revive my soul
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
