I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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