My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
