he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
