thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
