I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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