Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
