Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
