really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
