I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
