Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize