1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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