She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
