Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
