i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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