Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
