I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she peed on how many people?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
