Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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