Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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