I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
