you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
