thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think your dad took our porno
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
