Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
