Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
