She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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