on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
