the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
