Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
