If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
