Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
