im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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