:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
