Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
