What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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