You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Come share oat with me in your robe
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
