Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
