Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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