Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
only if we run a train.
done.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She bit a glass in half.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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