Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
