Yo dont text me then not text me
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
