smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize