Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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