My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
