I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize