I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
