At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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