forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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