That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
