i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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