I think I died a long time ago.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
