"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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