i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
