I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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