I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
