im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
