Someone shit on the floor
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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